Hank's Destiny
by King of the Chode
Summary: Hank comes upon Bill's lifeless corpse and it makes him question the meaning of life. And then he realizes his destiny.


It was yet another hot day in Arlen as Hank cracked open a cold Alamo with the boys in the alley. "Yup." Hank said. "Yup." Dale echoed. "Mhm." Boomhower stated. "Have any of you boys seen Bill?" asked Hank. "Gosh dang old no, man." Boomhower managed to say while sipping his Alamo. "Come to think of it, I haven't seen him all week." Dale said. "I'm gonna go see if he's ok. Knowing Bill he probly got turned down another ugly woman and attempted suicide." Hank said. So Hank headed over to Bill's house and immediatly noticed Bill's overgrown lawn. _God danggit Bill_, thought Hank as he knocked on Bill's door three times. "Bill! Are you in there?" yelled Hank. No response. Hank was panicking at this point so he kicked down Bill's door, only to see his fat friend hanging from a rope in the middle of his living room! "BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"When Hank got home, he walked into his garage and poured himself a glass of propane. "I can't believe Bill is dead..." Hank said to himself. He pounded down 3 glasses of propane before finally realizing his destiny: He had to kill everyone he holds dear.

Hank took his sledgehammer, revolver, and a flask of propane, and set out to fulfil his destiny. At about 11 p.m. Hank crept into Bobby's room and saw his fat son playing a video game under the blanket. "I never did love you, Bobby." Hank whispered before bringing his sledgehammer down on the fat homo hiding under the blanket. Satisfied with his work, Hank snuck into his own room and saw his hideous wife asleep, holding her substitute teacher of the year award in her hands. After vomiting at the sight, Hank took his revolver and placed it up against Peggy's head, then fired. This was the most beautiful things Hank had ever seen, aside from the 2,000 gallon propane tank at Strickland. Hank's next target was the confirmed bachelor Boomhower. Boomhower being an illiterate retard made getting into his house quite easy, as his front door was unlocked. Hank walked in on Boomhower getting pounded in the ass by Dale's mexican slave, Octavio. "Dang old Hank man what you doin in my gosh dang hou-" *BANG* Boomhowers head exploded into a million pieces as Hank placed his revolver back in his belt. Octavio didn't even seem to notice that the man he was making love to was dead. Hank took a knife and slit the grimy Mexican's throat.

After all the killing that Hank had done, he thought he deserved a quick rest, so he went home. Hank opened the fridge, and pulled out Bourbon, Alamo, and propane and made himself a tasty shake. Once thuroughly shit-faced Hank went and slept right on top of Peggy's lifeless body. Hank awoke to the sight of his dead wife. _Now that's just god dang beautiful. _Hank thought. When Hank finished brushing his teeth with propane, he drank the rest of his tasty shake. Ladyberg came into the kitchen and looked at Hank with her wise old eyes. Hank saw this, and kicked her in the head as hard as he could, breaking her ancient neck. Hank went back to the garage, and grabbed a propane tank, lighter, and a nail gun. He then drove to Dale's house and found his loser of a friend hooking up a servailence system outside his house, in hopes of catching any government agents trying to sneak up on him. _Heh heh, _Hank thought, _he'll never see this coming._ Hank took his nail gun and shot Dale's hands and legs, pinning him to his own house. "Who's there! Are you a government agent!" Dale screamed. "Heh heh," said Hank while he drenched Dale in his favorite of all liquids. Hank took his lighter and watched Dale light up in flames, then slowly die.

Nancy came out with John Redcorn following right behind ass naked with his 18 inch indian cock. The sight of John's cock drove Hank wild so he had to have it for himself. Hank shot both of them in the head with his nail gun and chopped off John's dick. "Heh heh, just like a medium rare steak." said Hank as he swallowed the indian's chode whole. Next on Hank's list was his bimbo niece Luanne, so he headed to the small house across the road. Hank knocked on the door and Luanne answered. "Hi Uncle Hank!" she yelled as Hank punched her head into the edge of the door. He then hogtied his niece and threw her in his pick-up truck. Hank drove to the nearest bridge and grabbed Luanne out of the back of his truck, then punched her in the face until she woke up. "This is for all those years you stayed at my house, without paying me shit you fucking bimbo!" Hank screamed as he hurled Luanne into the river below. "Heh heh, man I'm strong." he said as he took a swig of his propane cocktail. Hank had fulfilled his destiny, so he got in his truck and drove to Strickland where he crashed into the propane tank and killed himself in the most honorable of ways.


End file.
